


Carry On

by TortiTabby



Series: Tumblr Songfic Prompts [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Bullying Mention, Depression, Happy Ending, Introspection, M/M, Songfic, TATINOF, alcohol mention, hurt comfort, ptsd implication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 08:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20132326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TortiTabby/pseuds/TortiTabby
Summary: If you're lost and aloneOr you're sinking like a stoneCarry onMay your past be the soundOf your feet upon the ground andCarry on





	Carry On

**Author's Note:**

> Listened to this song on the way home from work and couldn't get this idea out of my head.  
  
I'm including it in the songfic series even though it was prompted by .. well just me.. lol  
inspired by the song Carry On by FUN  


_ Well I woke up to the sound of silence the cars  _

_ Were cutting like knives in a fist fight _

_ And I found you with a bottle of wine _

_ Your head in the curtains and heart like the fourth of July _

_ You swore and said we are not _

_ We are not shining stars _

_ This I know _

_ I never said we are _

_ Though I've never been through hell like that _

_ I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back _

Phil woke with a start. The flat too quiet for a usual London night and the space next to him in the bed was empty and cold to the touch. 

“Dan?” He called out- too softly to be heard but he knew he was alone in their bedroom. 

He sat up with a groan and glanced at the neon clock on Dan’s bedside table that showed it was far too late for Dan to still be up, and far too early for Phil to start his day.

He stretched and left the warmth of his duvet. Headlights lit up the room as he padded mismatched socks out to the lounge to find Dan.

He was sat by the big glass window he was so excited for half a year ago when they moved in, now it just made Dan look small as he was curled in on himself staring out at London with an opened bottle of wine resting against his leg.

Phil frowned and fought his initial reaction to be annoyed. It was wine they bought celebratorily that they didn’t get the chance to break into yet.

“Dan?” He asked softly.

“You can’t even see the stars.” Came the dry and monotone reply.

Phil took a calming breath. Dan was having a hard time lately and Phil was having a harder time trying to navigate around Dan’s old demons to get in a position to  _ help _ him. People were getting invasive and with youtube glitches and subscriber’s count rising Dan was often closed off with a panicked look in his eye that made Phil feel helpless. 

“Could you see them really well in Wokingham?” As soon as it left his mouth Phil knew Dan’s hometown wasn’t the right thing to mention. He was received with a heavy shrug. 

“Fuck Wokingham.” The reply trembled and Phil felt a quiet rage inside of him towards the people who had hurt Dan so extensively. Phil had been bullied in the past himself, but not in the way that haunted Dan.

“That isn’t us.” Dan said simply, after some time had passed, still staring up at the night sky. “Bright picturesque stars.” He elaborated.

Phil let out a long breath. Dan could be vague and nearly ostentatious at times, but Phil thought he knew could decipher he was trying to say.

“I know,” was all he said back. He was tired of tiptoeing around Dan when he was hurting. It wasn’t fair for either of them. 

_ Fuck it. _

He made up his mind and crossed the clearing in fewer long steps than seemed possible, even with his long legs. 

He reached the window and his broken down Dan and sat on the cold hardwood floor next to him, so close their legs overlapped and tangled together as the gravitated towards each other.

Dan finally looked up with blood red eyes and deep purple rings framing them. “Love you.” He whispered softly before passing Phil the bottle and laying his head gently on his shoulder. 

Those two words hurt in a way Phil didn’t quite understand. He wasn’t sure he ever truly would but he uttered them back without hesitation and held Dan close as the alcohol burned it’s way down his throat.

*

_ “Stalk him until he loves you! Am I right guys or what?”  _

The crowd roared in delighted laughter. Phil beamed from the side of the stage as he walked Dan do his Internet Support Group Hotline part of their stage show. He lost track of what city they were in for the evening and tried not to let himself get too caught up in the hundreds of faces staring lovingly up at Dan and sharing inside jokes with the two of them, lest he made himself panic before it was time for him to go back in front of them all.

Laughter erupted throughout the theater as Dan made another joke that Phil had missed, judging by the faces in the front row it was unsurprisingly offensive. He looked back to Dan and marveled at how well he carried himself on stage. How he thrived on this tour after nights of both of them worrying over how it would go being so far from home and therapy, how he overcame _so_ _much_ to create this thing with Phil. How he was unapologetically himself and shared more and more with them everyday, inching closer and closer to a future Phil would have never deemed possible years ago on the floor at three in the morning. 

The next question was about bullies and not fitting in at school. A lurching swoop of emotion washed over him as Dan launched into a spiel about the person  _ not _ being alone and to let someone know and that _ it got so much better _ . Phil took a long drink from his water bottle and tried to prepare himself for the next part of the stage show to distract himself from how damn proud he was of Dan. It wouldn’t do to return to stage blotchy-faced and teary eyed.

Dan glanced to where Phil was sat and shot him a quick blinding smile. Phil let out a quiet wet laugh to himself.

Dan had been wrong those years ago. That  _ was _ them. They  _ were _ stars. 

_ 'Cause we are  _

_ We are shining stars _

_ We are invincible _

_ We are who we are _

_ On our darkest day _

_ When we're miles away _

_ So we'll come, we will find our way home _

_ If you're lost and alone _

_ Or you're sinking like a stone _

_ Carry on _

_ May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground and _

_ Carry on _

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks to everyone in the late night wwchat with me <3  
please let me know what you think of this!


End file.
